Reflections since 2000

Greetings. This is usually the time of year when I put up my year end reflections. This time though, I thought I’d do something a little different. Since we’re coming to the end of the first decade of the 2,000’s, I thought I’d do a review of some of the changes in technology between 2000 and 2009. Perhaps we can use some of these as a gage for what will come in the next 10 years. I’m sure I’m going to miss some things here so forgive me in advance.

Screen readers: The last 10 years has seen more screen readers being developed for blind users, and ones that can run on a portable USB flash/thumb/pin drive, to ones that can run from a simple website. You no longer have to be tied to an actual computer to use a screen reader. Now, when I go to my parent’s house, I can bring up a web based screen reader and have instant access to their computer, rather than waiting for them to purchase an expensive screen reader and leave it on their system for the few times that I might visit them during the year.

Notetakers: Before the year 2000, there were a few note taking devices on the blindness market, but mainly from one company. In 2000, the BrailleNote was introduced and in 2003 the PAC Mate was brought into being. Fast forward a few years and we have a range of different note taking devices in various forms and with similar abilities, some with and some without Braille displays; some using Qwerty (computer style) and some using Perkins (Braille style) keyboards; and some that have specific functions and other that have more general functions. In other words, the blind user now has lots more choice. Some newer notetakers even have built in Wi-Fi and Bluetooth access, which makes getting connected to the web in order to browse websites or send/receive email lots easier. Add to that the mainstream laptops and mini-laptops, known as netbooks, that have become very popular in the last couple of years. In the beginning of this year alone perhaps 1 person I worked with had a netbook. Now though, aside from me there’s an additional 5 or 6 other people I know that have and use netbooks for greater portability. This particular portion of the tech industry, the netbooks and notetakers, will be interesting to watch over the next 2-5 years to see how they shake out.

Book reading: Before year 2000, blind people read books on their computers, in Braille, or on tape. Now though there are a number of different options, including for lack of a better phrase, the portable book reader, such as the Victor Reader Stream and Booksense, among several others. In fact, after the Stream came out in 2007 and it was seen how popular such a device was, several more devices have come out with the ability to read books, listen to music, play audio books, read different types of files (such as Word documents, text, HTML, and others), and do other things. To be fair, there were a couple of devices around that could read those types of files and other material, but they were old and out dated. In fact, one of them, the Book Port, was initially promised to have new life, but the update project for it was shelved after about 6 months in 2008 I believe. At any rate, information and entertainment has really grown in leaps and bounds as far as portability.

I can’t talk about books and portability without mentioning the work of the national Library Service (NLS). In 2000, they started their Web Braille program, where the user could download a growing collection of books and magazines in Braille formatted files. In 2007, they began officially testing a similar download service for their many audio books. That collection began with around 7,000 books, and now numbers around 16,500 books, and is growing nearly every week. Thanks to funding from Congress, the digital talking book is here and here to stay!

Cell phones: Here’s an area that’s affected everyone, blind or not. However, until around 2002, the blind did not have ready access to such devices. Sure, you could dial a number, but that quickly lost some luster when compared with all the things that your friends and colleagues could do on their phones, such as text message, take pictures, manage contacts and calendar appointments, view call logs, and much more. Then, in 2002, the Talks screen reader was created and announced that it would work with a couple of Nokia phone models. Though it’s taken a few years to get rolling, now true phone accessibility is becoming more of a forethought rather than an afterthought with many manufacturers. With some providers such as Verizon, there are even some phones that you can buy off the shelf that have built in accessibility that are increasingly allowing greater access. Perhaps not at the level of Talks, but we’re getting there. Of course I can’t talk about phone access without mentioning Apple and the work that they’ve been doing with making phones more accessible, and phones with touch screens o less. Say what you want about a touch screen accessible phone, the fact that this is now an option for the blind user, and that having a screen reader on such a phone, is a great sign of things to come. Talk about built in accessibility.

The WWW: Okay, so that’ a broad category, but just think about how many different web services have gained usage in the broader population over the past 10 years or so, such as: blogs, podcasts, social networking sites, more personalized e-commerce and shopping, staying connected, ability to use web services via your cell phone, such as texting a site for the weather or current stock quotes, among many other uses; streaming audio and video; and much, much more. Let’s not forget the growing popularity of a certain website start up that flew under the radar for a few years and quickly went from unknown to people trying to copy what they were doing and draw their users. And further, the site even added various applications that helped to change the way we work and play, such as email, shopping and bargain comparison, working with documents, spreadsheets, presentations, keeping up calendar appointments and contacts, tracking stocks and other finances, and much more. Yes, I’m speaking of Google and their many services. Google has transformed from a noun to a verb, as in, “Google it,” when someone needs to look something up. Currently, Google is even working on their own cell phone and portable netbook. That’s probably one of the big things that I’m excited about and will be closely following, to see how this whole Google Chrome operating system fills out and if it will be accessible. I suppose that might say something: am I excited about the new offering from Microsoft in Windows Seven? No, the thing that excites me is what their competitors are doing, and I’m not the only one.

Even though it's not tech related so much, technology has been affected by the next two items: the terrorist attacks of 2001, and the economic boom and eventual bust. One phrase seems appropriate here, which I've told students and friends regarding money: it's not how much money you have, but how you manage the money you have. Hopefully we can take that phrase and apply it as we go forward. Sure there will be tough times ahead, perhaps even tougher than what we're going through now in the recession/recovery. But if we can manage our money, then these times won't seem so tough when they do come. That's been my personal experience this year in the current economically tight times.

Hopefully we can take what we’ve learned from the first 10 years of the 21st century and apply it to the next 10 years. I think as we go forward, month by month and year by year, our lives will even more interlock with the web and the possibility that we’re going to be a web-based society is not too far off. Will we be to the point of talking to our kitchen appliances and having them automatically order things from the grocery store to refill current refrigerator stock? Who knows, anything’s possible.

On a personal level, this last 10 years has seen me wrap up my college career, get an unexpected job in working part time and doing something that I was meant to do and not what I thought I was going to do, find a full time job just weeks after being let go from the part time one, and really building my teaching ability and the different areas I would grow in, and even getting another Seeing Eye dog, which is something that I never thought I’d do. Not to mention starting a personal website which has grown to attract more than 7400 unique visitors, and maintaining the professional website for the White Cane Day Austin celebration. So it’s been a great year and a great last 10 years. Here’s to 10 more!

Our first year

Greetings. How do you summarize a partnership or a year’s worth of events, emotions and feelings? Today is the first year anniversary. One year ago, I was matched with my current Seeing Eye dog Gucci. It all began when I was sitting in a chair in a lounge in Morristown, waiting for my future match. When my trainer brought her over to me and introduced me to her, she pretty much set the tone by putting her front paws in my lap and without hesitation giving me that first lick on the face. Though I was initially wary and unsure of how things were going to work out, after having not worked a dog for 9 years, Gucci took those fears and that uncertainty away by putting one or both her front paws on my arms, chest, and even shoulders. I clearly remember one of the first nights that I had her, when she put first one then the other of her front paws on my shoulder and held that position for several minutes. When I asked a trainer about this later, he said that she was showing that she was comfortable with me.

Then, all too quickly we were on the plane coming home and I was in tears at one point, having fully realized what I had done in getting her and fully appreciating having her. AS time went on, things were perhaps not as smooth as I might have liked, but we both were adjusting to each other and a new lifestyle, as well as her adjusting to my home and work environment. Countless times I have patted her on the bus, run my fingers through her triangular Shepherd ears, or just stayed calm when she was looking at me for direction. Now we’re a year later and we’ve come up with different games and things we do when at work and at home. She’s attuned to me and I to her. Any uncertainty I had felt in walking with her through the open parking lot of my apartment complex, is now gone as I trust her to make the right turns and guide me safely to and from the complex’s office. Sure, she might get distracted or turn when she’s not supposed to, but I’ve also let my mind wander at different times and not realized what she was trying to tell me or point out to me.

She still walks between two people that are spaced out but having a conversation, which I don’t pick up on until we’re already through, and then I’m apologizing. And she still pauses when coming to a crowd or upon someone with a cane at work, of which there are many people that use canes at work, but I’m glad I got her and that she’s mine.

So thanks Gucci for the memories, the past year, the times of running around the apartment or playing tug with the rope, or just for laying quietly under my desk and having people forget that you were there because you were so quiet. For being there for me when I needed comfort from waking from a bad dream, being nearby when I’m in the shower and just keeping your eyes on me when not on duty, and for being there for me at the many doctor’s appointments that we’ve been to over the past year. And for being there and having fun all the other times. I got worried back in May when I had dropped your leash at the horseback riding place, but that brief instant at which the leash was on the ground, when I called, you turned back to me as if to say, “Don’t worry, I’m here.” For getting me back to our apartment last fall when the taxi had let us off on the other side of the apartment building. That particular event happened just a couple of months after we had returned to Austin and I was so proud of you and impressed with your abilities. Here’s to more years of loyal service, fun times and good companionship!

Family vacation 2009

Greetings. Tomorrow I leave for Florida to join my parents and later in the week my other siblings, niece and nephews for a family vacation. For many years, we did semi-regular vacations in Colorado. However, thankfully we've switched states. Not that i have anything against CO; i love it up there. But what I get out of vacations and what other members of my family get out of it are different things I believe. Also, those long car trips driving upwards of 15 hours or more just to get there, have burned me out on long car trips. It's somewhat necessary in Texas, but anything too much longer than 3 or 4 hours is too long for me. So, while my parents and older brother and his family are driving there, both myself and my younger brother are flying from our respective cities. Besides, I much more like the idea of arriving in 3-4 hours verses 14 or more. Anyway, we'll be staying in a friends beach house, which from what I hear is pretty nice, with the beach a few blocks away. I talked with my mother a few times today and it sounds like the area around the house is nice, and like there are a lot of runners, joggers, bikers, and people doing other things nearby. OH, and there's the wonders of the beach, which I haven't partaked in for about 16 years or so. I'm glad i setup the ability to do mobile posting from my cell not long ago. I hope to do a few posts next week on what we're up to, so keep watching this space for periodic updates. Though it's only for about 6 days, I'm looking forward to it. We haven't done a real family vacation like this in several years, so it should be fun. Talk later, and see you on the sand, :)

Why men are never depressed

Greetings. I received this from a coworker. I usually don't like getting/forwarding these types of emails, but this one was too good and too funny to pass up. So, instead of forwarding it and clogging up the information superhighway with useless traffic, I'm posting it here. Besides, it's a good read. Enjoy.

***

Men Are Just Happier People--

Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can never be pregnant.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another petrol station restroom because this
one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.

Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks and engines.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a twelve-pack..
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25
minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

Send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy
reading it.

Still kicking ass after all these years

Gretings. For those offended by the title of this post, you might want to skip this entry. For others, keep reading.

Metallica is my other fave band of all time. True, the pair of Petra and Metallica doesn't necessarily fit, at least when put together, but they each have their place in my world. Petra has brought me closer to God, and Metallica has (no, not what you're thinking), helped me cope with reality. No, I'm not doing drugs or anything like that. However, for lack of better phrasing, when your blind/disabled, you need some way of dealing with the mass of stupid people, or those that ask questions such as, "How do you get around campus without going up steps," or the ever popular, "Do you read lips?" Okay, to be truthful, I wasn't asked this second one directly, but a friend of mine was. Anyway, with all the daily stress you got from a job, boss, paperwork, etc., there needs to be an outlet for that stress. Or, in my case, for the dealing with stupid or "misinformed" or "ignorant" people. Metallica has filled that void perfectly. So far, they've been the only group to relieve that stress. There's nothing like putting on headphones, raising the volume, and jamming to Metallica to fulfill that need for satisfaction. Along with playing some truly awesome songs over their history, they've also helped me to calm down after a stresfull confrontation, whether it be with a "stupid" person, a coworker, or a family member. Yes, even family can bring stress.

They've also seen me through my recent training at The Seeing Eye. Many times while waiting for my instructor to come back with another student, I was jamming to Metallica, listening to a CD in the van's stereo and jacking the volume up to, well, loud. Or loud for me. I don't usually blast my stereo, but it's something I've started doing more of with the Sirius Satellite radio, and something I started doing more often in that Seeing Eye van. I often wondered if my fellow students and other instructors would bring this fact up to me at other times in class, saying that they could hear the music from down the block, but I didn't really care. No one ever did by the way, not that it would have mattered. I especially enjoy live cuts, and when the cut of "Cyanide" came on, as performed at Oz Fest last year, well, let's just say that those were times when you probably could have heard the CD from down the block. If you were to pass by the van at that point, which some people did, you would have seen me "head banging," bouncing up and down and I'm sure causing Gucci my new guide to look at me with quisical looks, wondering what I was up to. Those were fun times and ones that I'll always remember fondly.

Oddly enough, my first 'Tallica tape wasn't bought till about 10 years ago when I got the "Black" album that came out in 1991. I really burned that tape up, especially in the dorm at college. I especially enjoyed cranking the songs "Of Wold and Man" and "Through the Never." My first Metallica CD was the S&M double live album in the fall of 1999. I probably scored a little lower on my final exams that semester due to the listening that I did.

Favorite Metallica album: I've been going over this for the past day or so and can't really come up with anything, at least if we go by the criteria of loving each song and being able to listen to each song an infinite number of times without getting tired of it. For Metallica, I need to slightly alter the criteria to be: loving almost every song, since it seems like there's one or two songs I could point to on many of their albums that I could listen to in a pinch, but I really don't like all that much. In other words, if there's nothing else on the radio, then I'll listen to them, but I also won't go looking for these tunes to hear either. So, if that's the criteria, then my fave albums, in no particular order would be: "Death Magnetic," "... And Justice for All," and "Master of Puppets." If "unforgiven III" wasn't on the Magnetic album, then it would be perfect. Not only does it sound lesser than I know they can do, it doesn't even fit the pattern of the first two Unforgiven songs, in style or melody. But it's stil in that group of fave discs.

I've never been to a "live" Metallica show, preferring to live through their own live recordings, on the Live Sh*t disc and the recent incarnation of the Live Metallica site, where you can purchase shows and download them for a nominal fee for your listening pleasure. I'd love to go to a 'Tallica show someday, but for me, whenever I've contemplated going to a show my first problem has always been how will I get there, who can I get to go with, and that's where the desire stops since in my past that would involve having to justify going on a school night or asking a family member, none of whom, except maybe one of my brothers, would even entertain that notion.

In some instances, I love the recorded versions of songs better than the studio versions. The first two Metallica albums fit in this category. Aside from a few songs, like "Fade to Black," "For Whom the Bell Tolls," and one or two others, I really can't listen to those records. However, I absolutely love hearing those songs played live. There's just a certain quality of the live song that you don't get with the recorded one. Perhaps it's that you can hear more of the band's style when they play live; perhaps it's that James interacts with the audience, which gives a special feel to it; or, perhaps it's because it seems like live songs are played faster than their studio counterparts. Whatever the reason, I love the live songs. I read the book, "Slash," by Slash from the former Guns N' Roses superpower in the late eighties and early nineties, and according to him, he said that you can tell more of what a band's like by how they play songs live. I scoffed at that when I read it, but upon reflection and listening to some Guns' songs I have live and some Metallica songs, it makes sense. There's just something about hearing a good live recording, not one where the crowd noise is piped in for affect, or where the lead singer says something generic between songs like, "How's everybody feel?" But one where you can hear how the band fits together and why they're together.

I first heard Metallica on the now discontinued rock music network known as Z-Rock, when they were playing the "Black" album. Hearing "Sad But True" was the song that did it for me. So heavy, but so groovy; it had a slow melodic rhythm that jumped out at me and drew me in. That was the song that I had the thought of, "I've got to check this group out," which I did, slowly over time. Around 1992 or 93, the local rock station in Dallas, 97.1 The Eagle, started something that they did for at least 18-24 months, each night at 11 or midnight, they would play 20-30 minutes of nothing but Metallica, calling it "Manditory Metallica." This is where I really got familiar with the body of work up until that date. In 1997, the Eagle was part of the group of stations nationwide that airred a live question and answer session with Metallica and where the band played certain songs in acoustic form, for several hours one night. I also remember when "Enter Sandman" was big, and you even heard it on the local top 40 station, all be it in a slightly editted and shortened form. It was shortened I believe not so much because of any language, but because the station didn't want to be pegged as a heavy metal station. I think it even went up the top 40 weekly charts for a little while anyway, which was neat to see.

The "Black" album really changed Metallica. Sure, if they had continued in the direction they were headed in after the Justice album, then who knows where and what they might have gone and become. But, in other ways, after releasing the "Black" album in 91, they ended up drawing more fans than they might have otherwise done if they had stuck in the small metal category they were in before. Sure, there was some aspect of poppishness to some songs, like "Enter Sandman." But then again, who can argue with the heaviness of "Sad But True," or the grinding of "Holier Than Thou," and other songs that appeased the metal head. I think they carried on that more mainstream theme with Load and Reload later in the nineties, but still satisfied their core rock/metal fans. They disappointed and lost a lot of people with the "Saint Anger" record in 2003, but I think they gained those fans back, or a good portion of them anyway, with "Death Magnetic" released last year. I read earlier today that the Magnetic disc went platnum after only 3 weeks. Pretty good for an artist who lost many people with their prior record. And yet they continue touring. Any group that tours as much as Metallica doesn't do it for the money; rather, they tour because they want to play live. That's what I want to see in a group I listen to. Too many musicians do it for the money or because they "need" the money and those are the ones I dont' want to support. Metallica is one of the few groups that i'll probably keep digging even 10 years and more from now.

So here's to you Metallica; keep rocking, keep kicking ass, keep giving us great metal. Good on you for what you've done, and here's hoping that it continues for another 10-15 years, or longer.

Petra had rocked my world

Greetings. I was listening to the radio the other day and the hosts were talking about the bands in music that had influenced them the most and that when they heard a song by said band, they thought something like, "Wow, I've got to check this out." In my life, there are two bands that fit that description, and oddly enough they come from opposite ends of the spectrum. They are Petra, the long time Christian rock band that retired in 2005, and Metallica, the still running metal band. Both of these bands have really influenced me and been an outlet for me at different times in my life, and in some cases continue to be an outlet. I've got most of the musical catelog from Petra, at least since the mid eighties on, and all from Metallica. Of the two, I've actually only been to a Petra concert, and that was their farewell show in Irving, Texas, in 2005.

My first real music tape, after you got past the "kid stuff" that was out for young Christian kids in the eighties, was from Petra. It was the album "On Fire" that someone had given to me for a birthday or other gift. I remember listening to that tape multiple times growing up. I wouldn't do this today, but I was oblivious to the danger as a kid, but I used to put the tape in my boombox and take it into the bathroom, setting it on the floor or on the toilet lid and listen to On Fire while taking a bath. Weird perhaps for a 10 year old, but I didn't care. Later, when cleaning out my "kid" tapes and tossing them, I kept the Petra one and set the tape case away in my closet. A year or two later when rummaging in the closet for something, i found that storage case and that tape, and fell in love with Petra all over again, but this time as a pre-teen who was just getting into the pre-teen musical scene, and at that time, Petra were the only band out there that was Christian and also played rock.

A couple years later, I was sitting in the cafeteria at the school for the blind's summer program for youth, when a friend and brother that I had just met put headphones over my ears and said, "Check this out." He proceeded to play the "Armed and Dangerous" album from Petra to me. I was enraptured and it was at that point that I had that thought of, "Wow, I've got to check this group out." After listening to the title track and then "I Am On The Rock," I asked him, who this group was, and to my astonishment, he said, "Petra." I replied with something like, "This is Petra? The same guys that did 'On Fire'?" I was hooked after that.

My first CD was "Unseen Power" from Petra back in 1991. I admired Petra on a number of levels, for making great songs that really rocked out; for making great softer songs that had deeper messages; for, at least after a certain point, having completely new material on all their albums, which is hard for an artist to do; and for being a great influence. It was when listening to the "Beyond Belief" album that I noticed a theme in all the songs, some sort of connection. I think that this is my all time fave Petra album, but when you've got a group that you really dig, it's hard to rate anything in a one, two, three, order.

Petra were there when I was in junior high and at the school for the blind's summer program and feeling down and missing my folks and friends. I remember going to a store one weekend and looking longingly at the "Petra Praise" album that came out in 1990 or so. I didn't buy it at the time because probably I didn't have enough money. A few days later I got a care package from home that contained that exact album. I was so blessed by that alone. I couldn't figure out if someone at the school had talked with my folks or something, but now I know that it was the Lord looking out for me. I later talked with my parents who said that they saw that in the store and thought I'd enjoy it. Boy did I. In a place where there was next to none as far as fellow believers at the summer camp experience, I burned that tape up, listening to the songs and letting them become apart of me, over and over. I had them practically memorized by the end of camp, but kept listening. In that tape, and in a tape that my junior high church group sent to me, I felt that connection wit those back home, but more importantly with the Holy Spirit and God. Those were great memories. I even got some of the other kids to listen to them to, much to their chagrin since they were probably expecting some sort of flowery group instead of this busting out rock group, considering that this was the praise tape I had been listening to. Some made fun of me for listening to that tape, but I didn't care; that tape was my answer from God and from those back home to my loneliness.

I've snuck other Petra songs into main stream society as well, such as at some of the school to work weekends that the Texas commission for the Blind's Transition program used to have, now called Division for Blind Services. Or, at a high school dance that I sent to the DJ and asked him to play. They only played one song, but I loved it. One song in the age of George Michael, Janet Jackson and other artists in the early nineties period. I remember the DJ saying something before the song, likely apologizing for what he was about to play since it was a Christian song and this still was the secular high school dance, but I soked it up all the same. I've even turned other mains tream friends through the Dallas Services program for blind teens onto petra. One guy who really got into it and, for that brief time anyway, changed his attitude and outlook on life. I don't know if he ever became a Christian, but Petra was a welcoem addition to his musical collection, which included rock stuff and top-40 for the time around 1992 or so. Come to think of it, he probably dug Petra because of their musical talent and ability, since he really got into that sort of thing, but having the added bonus of a positive message didn't hurt either.

Even today, I've got loads of Petra songs on my computer, in my Victor reader Stream, and on a USB flash drive, that I listen to while doing stuff at work. They still sound great after all these years.

So here's to Petra; for being an awesome influence on my and other people's lives, for being great musicians, and for being there when I neede you and needed God's help. I'll write a separate entry of the other influential band. Talk later.

2008 year end review

Greetings. As I sit here and reflect, I’ve just finished listening to The Seeing Eye’s holiday message, which they send out each year about this time. This year though, they sent it on CD. I don’t know if this is a recent change or something that they’ve been doing for a few years, sending the message on CD that is, but it’s great! I love being able to listen to the message on my computer, and then file the CD away for later remembering. I’m glad that they’re making the transition from tape to digital forms of communication and look forward to future mailings on CD from them. As always, it was neat listening to some instructors that I already knew along with many people I haven’t even met that are all apart of The Seeing Eye’s family. It’s this launching point that I begin my year in review. As a loyal blog reader, you likely know what I’m going to say here, but come along anyway and let’s remember the year’s past events.

Another year has gone in my job. I can’t believe that I’ve been working at the state training center for nearly 3 years. February 1 of this year saw my 2 year anniversary date, and a milestone of sorts, for it’s on the 2 year date point that you get 9 hours of annual leave each month, up from 8. I’ll have to wait a little while until I get 10 hours of annual leave, that comes at the 5 year point, but it’s been nice to get 9 hours. I’ve also grown as an instructor and coworker. I can look back at how I was when I started this job, and even how my teaching was back in 2003, and see some definite changes and improvements. Though, I’m not to the point of being a perfect teacher yet. Honestly, I don’t’ know if anyone ever reaches that point. There’s always something you can learn or improve upon, whether it be in how you teach, how you reach and motivate students, or something else.

Some work related highlights, in no particular order, include: The Louis Braille celebration we had last January, the river tubing trip which thankfully wasn’t rained out this year back in June, White Cane Day activities and preparations in October, all the various graduations for students I attended this year, and other things. This year also saw one of my tech department colleagues move to another department, but a new employee join our ranks in September. The new person is Jeanine Lineback, having previously worked at the Colorado Center for the Blind for a number of years. She has a wealth of experience in technology and brings a lot to our department. It will be great when her probation period is over in a couple of months and she can fully be part of class rotations. And, more to the point, we can be a full department again. It’s amazing how one or two absences can make a difference when you’re used to having 6 people available to teach.

This year also saw me make another big change in my personal life, and that was back in March when I decided to apply for another Seeing Eye dog. As I went through the application and interview process again, and as I got a “penciled in” date for when my class “might” be, it was neat going through that anticipation all over again. Of wondering what kind of dog you’ll get, what the dog’s doing right now, and so forth. Things really became real when I found myself sending numerous emails to my work team of instructors on various aspects of technology training. Anyone who knows me, or has even read this blog for any length of time, has picked up on the fact that I’m very detail oriented. Imagine if you will how these emails must have looked then. Anyway, as the date got closer more preparations were being made. Then I went to the summer NFB national convention in Dallas and got to meet up with several people from The Seeing Eye and attended their graduate breakfast. Unknowingly, I actually met one of the instructors that would be in my August 30 class at that graduate breakfast. Though she wasn’t my instructor, we did develop instant comrodderry in class with one word: “Sausage!”

Then the date came and I was up at 4am, getting ready and then being picked up to go to the airport. Class was a blur looking back on it, but then again, I knew it would be. It never goes as slowly as we want it to. I enjoyed every minute I was there though and enjoyed getting to know the instructors, the staff, and the various students from around the U.S. and Canada. I had some good times there, and for the first time, I was able to blog about most of them while in training. That was really a neat thing to do and something I’ll likely go back to read from time to time, to help me remember.

Oh yeah, how could I forget? Getting Gucci. Gucci came to me on September 1, which happened to be the exact date that my prior guide, Tony, died in 2006. It was and will be a good date to remember. What can I say about Gucci that I haven’t already tried to say in my blog? Not much, just this: Gucci, I’m glad I gotcha!

I think I got spoiled from being away from work for 3 weeks, since when I came back, I was already missing the time off. That first week seemed endless for me, mainly because I had to adjust to my normal schedule, not the SeeignEye schedule. As the weeks went by though Gucci and I have become more of a team. I was initially concerned about her navigating around canes and other things in the training center environment. She’s done great though. There have been tight spots, but she’s always aware of things, and when she’s not, I’m quick to remind her that she’s working and to keep her mind on what she’s doing. That seems to solve the problem.

In the last couple of months, I’ve upgraded my radio scene, going to Sirius Satellite radio and gaining lots of commercial free music stations, sports play by play channels, and other great things. It’s always been hard for me to project ahead, but as it stands now, I don’t think that I’ll ever go back to “normal” radio. I’ve also gotten a newer cell phone, the Nokia N82, and am still in the process of getting used to it and getting things the way I want on it. I’ve enjoyed the journey so far though, and really love surfing the web with Talks, listening to music I’ve transferred, and using some spiffy programs, such as Wayfinder Access for GPS and others.

The last 5 months of the year have also seen me addressing various medical items that I have to deal with. Though you probably won’t read about those specifics here, I do appreciate the family and friends that have offered their support to me during these processes. There’s more medicals to come in the next few months, but I know that God, my family, and my friends will be right there with me. I know that Gucci will also be there with me, and that counts for a lot too.

So that’s about all for this year. I’ve got to go and pack. I’m usually the one to get all my packing done early, but here I sit writing this entry when I could be getting ready to go home tomorrow. I’m going to Dallas to be with family for about a week, and then I’ll return to Austin on December 30 for a few days to myself before going back to work on January 5.

Here’s to what’s left of 2008. Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, and Season Greetings to you and yours. May 2009 be even better for you then 2008! And Hook ‘em Horns!

Happiness and dogs

Greetings. I made it back to my apartment just fine. I'll perhaps write later of my trip back and definitely I'll write of my training and things that happened yesterday. I wanted to put a separate post up on happiness and dogs, specifically my dog.

Several people, be they parents, friends, or other instructors or staff, have asked me at different times during the training if I was happy with my dog. This was a hard question for me to answer, for whatever reason. Any reservations were my own and had nothing to do with the dog or the type of dog. Since I haven't used a dog for so long, about 9 years, this training proved to be challenging for me in various ways. Eventually I gave the answer that I wasn't sure if I was happy with her or not; that I would have to wait until I was integrated into my own environment after the first month or two and then see, and that at that point, I would likely be happy with the match I got. All that changed when I flew home today.

I did a simple thing, go to the restroom, with the help of another man from my row. Wehn we got back to my seat and were settled again, he told me that my dog sniffed bags and other people when I was in the facilities. Some may say, "You should have had your dog at sit," and yes, you're right. however, over the next few minutes this wasn't what I was thinking of. I answered his question, of whether my dog sniffed for drugs before she learned to guide me (this was an interesting man, as you can see, and one I'll write about more later perhaps), and explained that indeed she was just curious and had only been trained to guide me. I then started listening to songs on my Victor Reader Stream accessible MP3 player. One of them that came up in the shuffle mode, which I'm sure wasn't a coincidence, was "His Eyes" by Stephen Curtis Chapman, a Christian artist. The song talks about how we as people are always in God's eyes and how he's always watching over us, no matter what. In fact, the chorus goes something like:

His eyes, are always upon us,
His eyes, never close in sleep,
No matter where you go,
You will always be in his eye,
In his eyes.

I had been sniffling a few times before this song came up, but when it started, I began to silently cry, dabbing my cheeks with some small napkins.

Later when I was safely at home and had taken my dog out to park for the first time, with the door closed and locked, I burried my face in her fur and cried more openly. In the last 10 to 15 years, there have been only two times when I've cried so openly and deeply; the first was the weekend after my first guide died in September of 2006, and the second has been today, when I instead cried tears of joy for having a chance at another. For getting a new guide and being able to start the process all over again. For fully realizing my new independence with a Seeing Eye dog, and thanking God for that gift, both the gift of the dog and the gift of another shot.

I have no idea why this crying has just now happened, or why it didn't happen during training. Perhaps I was blocking it out and just focusing on the training. Or, perhaps, and I put more value in this explanation, God was giving me just enough strength and focus to get through the training, and now that I'm home and have a relatively free weekend, perhaps I now have time to shed these many tears of joy over the new dog. This is hard to write, and I've got tears threatening in my eyes as I write this. When I was crying on the floor this afternoon, after a few minutes, my dog put first one then the other of her front paws on my arms, which I took to mean comfort. Part of me wishes that this emotion came out during training, so I could have shared and gone through it wiht my fellow students and instructors. But, who am I to question or know the ways of God? I'm simply grateful that He knows the best times for me to experience different emotions and that He knows what's good for me, such as a new guide.

So, in answer to the question I started with, I can now say that I truly am happy with the dog I received. She's a perfect match, and has offered me already comfort, joy, tears, and happiness at different times during training and the transition to home process we started today. This could be a tough weekend for me, one where I'm close to crying at any moment, but I don't care; I've got my new Seeing Eye dog and I'm not afraid to let people know of it, whether that be through crying, laughing, or other ways.

Tomorrow morning I'll take her to a doctor's appointment and tomorrow afternoon to work, to start getting her used to my work environment and perhaps introduce her to some people. Look out world, Wayne and Gucci are on their way!

Changes

Greetings. AS I sit here in the midst of packing for 3 weeks and with my last bit of laundry in the dryer, I can't help but think of the changes that will be taking place over the next 24 to 48 hours. When riding home on the bus this afternoon, someone said to me, "Have a good weekend." Have a good weekend? This quite possibly could be one of the biggest understatements of the year! After all, this morning I was talking with a student who is a guide dog user, about the pending trip and how working with a dog is great (not to say that canes aren't great too, but they're all just tools to be used in different circumstances), and I couldn't help but think that today I was talking with a student about dog use, but by Monday, I'll be receiving my own dog. Much less that the next 18-24 hours I'll be finishing my packing, getting up way early for an early morning flight to New Jersey, somehow occupying myself on that 3 hour plus flight, meeting new and old friends at students and staff at The Seeing Eye, and walking back into a place that I wasn't sure I wanted to return to after my first dog died. And that just takes us up to tomorrow early afternoon. We're not even counting the initial work with the instructor, getting to meet and mingle with other blind people from around the country who are all there for the same reason, all the emotions and feelings wrapped up in all this, and getting to play and perhaps work with some dogs in training on Sunday afternoon. And, oh yeah, there's also getting my dog, my very own Seeing Eye dog, again, on monday. "Have a good weekend"--you bet! In fact, it might even be a great weekend!

It's interesting to reflect on how far I've come in the last 2 years since Tony died, where I've come from over the last 13 years since I was first matched with him, and where we are now. I just hope I can be a good role model for the first timer students that are in class for their first dogs. I have no doubts about this, but it's still mind blowing to think that I was once in that position as well. Oh, if I only knew then what I know now, but that's what they call hine sight, or however you spell that. I also hope that I'm wise enough not to make the same mistakes with the new dog that I might have made with Tony. And, if I can get a dog that even comes close to matching me like Tony did, then I'll be happy as well.

So, this is the reflective, anxious, excited, and anticipative Wayne, signing off. We'll talk again perhaps when I'm traveling, but definitely in Morristown, New Jersey!

Official word

Greetings. I wanted to drop you a note and let you know that I received my email from The Seeing Eye yesterday saying that I'm officially scheduled for the August 30 class. I've known for several months now that I was going to be in that class, or was "penciled in" for it anyway, but getting the notice via email just makes it that much more real to me.

I had requested to be notified via email when my acceptance was mailed out and I'm glad I did since there are several attachments that are exciting to read on one's own. This is something that I wasn't able to do (read the enclosed materials) on my own when I received notice of class scheduling for my first dog way back in 1995. It wasn't until I was halfway through the memorandum to students attachment that it dawned on me and I started calling friends and family.

So, now its time for me to prepare for the upcoming dog, organize my apartment, and so forth. I say, "Bring it on!" And, to those that are keeping track, August 30 is exactly 35 days from now, :)

I'm going to try and update my blog during training on my progress, thoughts, experiences, and other related information. They keep students pretty busy in class, but this will be my goal when I have some down time. I can't guarantee that it will be updated every day, but I'll definitely make a point to put new material up on a regular basis. This is one way that this trip to the Seeing Eye is different. With this newer technology, I can connect more readily with you the reader on my progress in class. I'm also looking forward to taking a picture of the new dog with my camera cell phone, and then emailing that to people so they can see what the dog looks like. Anyway, the next few weeks, class, and even the period shortly after class should be fun.

As they say on the news, "Stay tuned for more updates."

The Guilty Pleasures Of Guide Dogs

Greetings. The following is a glimpse into the often secret mind of a bunch of guide dogs. I received this from an email list for guide dog users. Read and enjoy.

The Guilty Pleasures Of Guide Dogs
by Alysia Wells

Here we are in our doggie group therapy. Today we're really just going to roll over, kick back, stretch out, with no taboos. It's a beautiful day in the doggie neighborhood, and it's time to reveal some secrets! We are joined by a very cute goldador, Molly. She's a dickens and kind of an instigator, helping us relax and unleash some inhibitions. Molly's so little and cute and sneaky that no one suspects her of straying from a rule-abiding course.

Some people are moved to tears by our abilities, good judgment and loyalty, and some people idolize guide dogs and imbue us with superpowers. Now I'm not saying that a few of us haven't been responsible for some miracles that saved lives, but most of us just do a good job most of the time. We're gifted but not perfect! We're not lovely statues or robots that conform neatly to every circumstance we're confronted with, and we develop differently in our careers. We have faults. Needless to say, some of us backslide, forget things, misjudge, fail, act irresponsibly, have a bad moment, a bad day!

Despite our training and glorification, we're still dogs with canine interests, and that's the topic today. We sometimes consider other things besides guiding you people. Sometimes a random incident which maybe has no comparable human significance thrills us and makes our day! We have chosen to remain anonymous today for you readers because what happens is only for us to know about, so maybe you can hold tight to your ideals and think, "no, no, not my wonderful, innocent doggie!"

"A box of Honey Nut Cheerios fell off the closet shelf upside down, and out tumbled many tidbits of delight. My person hadn't noticed the spill yet, and I became the vacuum cleaner, sucking the sweet morsels down my throat like there was no tomorrow!

"Yes, I love to eat forbidden things! Once, my buddy and I consumed a pound of butter left out on the table. And how about a paper towel soaked in bacon grease! Sometimes the TV is on so loud in the other room, I can get in the trash without being caught and extract some real goodies. Yum!" We all lick our lips in unanimous agreement, remembering shameful forays in places we shouldn't have been exploring.

"I noticed a cookie under this long table where many people were convening for a church potluck. The people were blabbing away, and I started inching, inching like an inchworm, stretching my neck, sticking out my tongue, oh, just a little more, carefully straining my leash as far as it would go -- ever so slowly -- laughter and banter above -- this is so cool -- I'm getting away with it! Is she putting her hand down here to check on me? Oh, no! She's just fingering the napkin! Now I resume my quest, concentrate, reach, got it!! Fantastic victory! This was a major accomplishment and as rewarding as any praise for my good deeds!"

"You all and your food cravings! I just like mischief sometimes! If I'm left alone, even when I know better, it's anybody's guess what I might do, maybe nothing, or maybe get all the stuffing out of a big couch pillow and watch the stuffing expand so I can spread it all around everywhere and have some fun! Yes, I have proper dog toys, but this is more challenging and gratifying!"

"My goodness, you're brave! I don't like getting in trouble and would rather do something less obvious like jump up on the sofa at night to sleep. No one will know about that because I hear footsteps and jump down!"

"Well, that's just silly and boring! Your fur stays there on that sofa, and the truth will come out soon enough. I love water and can't resist leading my person through a big puddle once in a while!"

"Oh, that's mean!" Even little Molly is shocked at this point. But we proceed forward with another admission.

"I love the ocean, speaking of water, don't you all?"

(Heidi, the prissy German shepherd, lowers her magnificent head in mild disgust.)

"Anyway, I love to swim, and I plunged into the ocean, snuffling, reveling, and unfortunately, drinking! As I shook off, my person was happy for me at first, enjoying my glee, but then later, that balmy salt water went right through me, and it wasn't pretty! My person had to pay an extra fee for cleanup in that hotel room, where they'd been so nice to me, too. Oh well, it wasn't my money, and I still love the ocean. I just won't drink it!"

Heidi is gloating. How embarrassing! I'm glad we aren't naming names today!

As dogs, we have random, disconnected thoughts and dreams -" I just want to roll in the grass all day! I NEVER need a bath! I don't like your sister's perfume. I smell chicken all the time! I dream about dog parks where I'm completely free and meet my doggie soul mate! If that cat comes any closer, it's dead! I want to dig a hole and rest in cool moist dirt! Please rub my belly, and then scratch under my chin! Make me happy!" Words aren't as important as actions. I can unwrap a Hershey bar faster than you can. I can open a gate latch which is doggie-proof!

Anyway, sit up straight, stand at attention, confession time is over! Woof! Woof! Reporting for duty!

Journey for the new dog

Greetings again. Well, this is what happens when I go awhile without posting. This time though I have an announcement to you, the faithful blog reader, or perhaps to myself if I read this in the future. I'm going back to The Seeing Eye for my second guide dog. I had a dog guide before in 1995 and used him for 4 years before retiring him. Retirement wasn't because of anything the dog did or didn't do, but rather from the fact that at that time, I didn't want to deal with the daily responsibilities of using a dog guide. Now though, I've got a steady lifestyle, I know what I'm getting into, and what a dog will and won't do for me. Before, I was in college and had no idea what to expect. Now, I know what to expect and how a dog could fit my personality and lifestyle. Plus, its been over a year and a half since Tony died. Its been long enough; its time and I feel like I'm ready.

I haven't used a dog in 9 years so there's a fair amount of apprehension and wonderment of if I can make this work and if I can remember everything I'm supposed to do. I've given it his a lot of thought and have come up with the following reasons for getting a dog, in no particular order: enhanced mobility, safety when traveling and crossing streets, hoping the dog will pick up on the cars and things that I miss due to a slight hearing loss, and companionship. I'd like a dog that's reserved and is content to lay under a desk for awhile. Since I'm a teacher, there may be times when the dog does just this while I go to a classroom down the hall to teach. However, I also know that a dog needs activity and stimulation, so I've been thinking of places I can go while at work to keep the dog's interest; routes I can take through the training center.

With this in mind, I've asked for a German Shepherd. I love the idea of a Shepherd being a one person dog, reserved around people, and focused while working. Tony was a yellow Lab, and though there were times that he was focused, there were also times of distraction. I realize all dogs are prone to distraction and that any guiding breed will have a variety of traits in any dog. However, it seems, according to research I've done and people I've talked with, that Shepherds are more focused workers and aren't distracted by people or other dogs. If I do receive a Lab, then I'd like it not to be yellow, since Tony was a yellow Lab. A good friend of mine has already said that there will be times when I'll compare "new dog": to Tony. I can see how this would happen, and in some sense, its already started with a preference for a black or brown, rather than a yellow, Lab.

Anyway, these are things I've initially thought of. I've sent in my application and had the medical forms filled out by my doctor. The next step will be a personal visit by one of The Seeing Eye trainers. Since there's quite a gap since I last used a dog, they're sending a trainer to meet with me. I talked with him this morning, and the meeting is set for thursday morning of next week. He'll talk with me about my lifestyle and we'll go on a "Juno" walk, where he simulates the role of the dog. This will give him an opportunity to evaluate my orientation and mobility skills as well as my walking speed. I think I've slowed down a little since I walked with Tony 10+ years ago, :)

So there it is; a new chapter in my life. Actually, its probably more accurate to say that its a continuation of a chapter. Back in September of 2006 when Tony died, I didn't know if I wanted another dog. I even gave nearly all of Tony's things away, keeping only his leash and collar. Now though, after time to think about and greave over Tony, and to think about what a guide dog means and how one can enhance your life, I've come full circle. I'm not going to say that a guide dog is 100 percent better than a cane, or vice versa about the cane verses the dog. I view this as a personal preference. I know plenty of people that sware by dogs and would never even touch canes, and others who sware by the cane. Personally, they're all tools, the canes and dogs that is. Each has their place, and there are times when the dog would be better than the cane, and likewise with the cane. Truth be told, just because I'll have a dog doesn't mean that I'm going to toss my canes in the trash. Rather, I'll likely have one at work and one at home. Anyway, that's my story. I'll update you on the progress of this journey as time goes on. You might have noticed that I've created a new label, called Seeing Eye, which I can use to categorize all these steps in the journey. Lord willing, it would be great to update this blog when at The Seeing Eye in class. But, that remains to be seen, not because I can't. But because so much happens when in class on a daily basis. I'll do my best though.

Personal update

Greetings. Well, its been awhile since I've put up an update on what's been happening with me, and a lot has happened in the past few weeks.

First off, and perhaps most notable, when I came back from the Easter weekend with my family up in Dallas, I also brought back a throat infection. I went to the doctor and they took a culture, which turned up negative for strep throat, but the infection has kept me from work since before the Easter break. The last day that I was at work was on Good Friday. When I came back from Dallas, I had no voice.

Its not been all bad though. The week of Good Friday, I took the plunge and bought a new Windows Vista Home Premium computer. I've neded a new machine anyway since my current one had been going for 5 years. It could have probably done another few years, but I wanted to upgrade to newer equipment and software. So, during the time that I've been at home recooporating, I've spent some of that time on the new computer. I don't know all the technical stuff, but suffice it to say that this new system is powerful. I'm of the opinion that if you can, when you buy a computer, try and get more power than you actually need so you don't fall too far behind in power later. This new system doesn't disappoint either having 3 gigs of RAM and a 500 GB hard drive, plus a TV tuner, built in card reader, CD/DVD reader/burner, one of the new HD Blue Ray DVD Reader/burner drives, and other things. Anyway, its a great system. For the record, its a Gateway DX441X, which I would highly recommend. When i got it, it came with a free 19" wide screen monitor, which I was told was a $219 value. Over all, I'm impressed by this computer and have had fun, for the most part, in getting to know Vista. I'll write in a different post on my thoughts of Vista so far. I say "for the most part" because last Monday, I had an interesting thing come up.

I was tinkering around in my system's settings, trying to fix my speaker's audio orientation, when I accidentally muted the speaker. I'm still not totally sure how that happened. Well, what's a blind guy to do when the sound card's been muted? There's no sound from JAWS, and even if you plug in the headphones, there's still no sound. Nothing from Narrator, Microsoft's minor solution for a screen reader. Might as well call someone over, which I did. When one of my neighbors arrived and saw my computer, after commenting that it was a nice system, she said, "Your monitor's not working." Here's an interesting and ironic thing, a monitor that doesn't work for a blind guy. As a quick side note, I got a monitor in the first place precisely because there may be times like this when I need someone to read the screen so I know what's happening. It just so happens that this method didn't work out too well for me this particular time. Well, we spent the next couple of hours trying to figure out what the problem was, even calling Gateway tech support. At one point, I turned to my neighbor and jokingly said, "Well, aren't we in a fix: neither of us can use the computer since its not talking to me and not showing anything to you." We both got a good laugh out of that. Usually one of those is the case for me, but not both at the same time. Anyway, at one point, God bless her, the Gateway support representative asked me why I had just now noticed the monitor wasn't working. To which I explained, calmly, that since I was blind, and since I had no reason to use my monitor, this was the first person who I had over and has commented that my monitor wasn't working. Otherwise, I would have been clueless to the whole thing. Well, long story short, after testing the new monitor with my old computer, we finally determined that a crucial adapter wasn't included with my system in order for the monitor to work properly. Gateway sent me the adapter via FedEx and I received it today. When I called another friend earlier this evening to come over and check things to make sure it was working, the monitor was working fine. We were prompted to perform a system restore, which we did, and all was working great again, even the sound had come back. I had experienced one other issue with Internet Explorer, but I called Gateway again earlier this evening and the helpful representative and I were able to get that one fixed as well. So, as of now and for the moment, all appears to be working fine. So much for not getting too technical in this post, :)

I've filed my taxes for another year. That always feels good, to independently file your taxes and have the tax man say, when shaking your hand, "See you next year." This time I took a cab to and from, since I had scheduled the appointment for during the day since I was home anyway. And, I'll be getting another refund again this year, not as much as last year, but a refund all the same. I also qualify for the rebate checks that will be sent out in May or June. So, I suppose between the refund and the rebate check, I'm getting more than I usually get, which is good. All in all, I'm pleased with how things went.

That's about all for now. I'm off to tinker, though not like I did last Monday, play with and enjoy my new system some more. Have a good weekend.

Happy anniversary!

Greetings. Well, here we are. I’ve made it to the 2 year point. I’m referring to the fact that as of today, I’ve been at my current job as a tech teacher
at a state agency for 2 years. Yippy! In some ways, the time has gone by slow, and in other ways its gone by fast. It seems weird to think that I’ve been
here for 2 years; 2 whole years. That’s a long time. Yet, in another few years, Lord willing, 5 years or 10 years will seem like a long time as well. 

I’ve been thinking of this day for the past few months, wondering what I would be thinking or feeling throughout the day. Much of it has been like any other
day, but there have been moments of reflection. Such as walking down the hall this morning and opening the technology office door with my key, and reflecting.
Later in my team/group meeting with other students and staff, hearing several DBS staff that have been students for the past month, reflect on their time
here at the Center, since it was their last day today. They are finishing up the immersion training. If you don’t know what that is, then go back and read
the immersion journal that I wrote back in February-March of 2006 in the archives. Hearing one of them in particular this morning put it all together and
getting the point of the immersion training, and then relating it to her own job and life as a counselor for transition (teens and young adults) students
was especially neat. To hear her talk about the connection between teens and kids getting good support and instruction and how that carries over to the
person that comes as an adult to the training center was cool. And still later in the day, hearing one of my coworkers talk to a former student about how
I’ve grown and improved in skills compared to when I started. 

As a side note, immersion gives people the opportunity to experience life as a blind person, and more so as a blind student in training. The main goal is
to experience what students go through so that the person can better understand their student/consumer. If the staff person has an open mind and is willing
to experience new things, there’s no limit to what they can gain from the 4-6 weeks of immersion. Its not unusual for people to enter immersion training reluctantly,
and not wanting to leave by the time they finish. 

I don’t really like those questions that go something like, “Where do you see yourself in the next 5, 10, 15 years,” since I’m not quite sure how to answer.
I don’t see myself going anywhere any time soon and am content where I am. If I’m here 5 years from now, then great; if I’m here 15 years from now, even
better. I enjoy what I do. I enjoy showing people how they can independently do things on the computer, retrieve information from the Web, communicate
by email, and write in Word. I enjoy helping people adjust to their blindness. And, I’m enjoying getting to know my coworkers and bonding with them and
students. I don’t have all the answers, but then again, I never claimed to. Its going to be exciting and neat to see what happens this year and what I’ll
have to reflect on a year from now. For the moment, I’m simply celebrating my 2 year anniversary! Yay for me!

Reflections and resolutions

Greetings. I guess that this update should have come yesterday since this is about the year in review. However, since yesterday didn’t feel like “New Year’s Eve” to me, its coming today. Besides, I can still look back on New Year’s Day as long as I throw in some observations, hopes, and dreams for this year. So here we go. Below are some highlights of 2007 in no particular order.

First, the recognition that I’ve gained from friends, colleagues, and students at my job. The two different but equally humbling awards I received, back in May from the students at graduation, and in October regarding the White Cane Day celebration. Not even counting the frequent mentions that I receive at graduation ceremonies by students, whether it be a simple, “Thanks Wayne,” to an elaborate thanks, which have included musings on my favorite food group (chocolate), to how I helped a student achieve the “… blazing fast speed of 22 words per minute in keyboarding.” All are welcome and much appreciated. I’ve also received some recognition publicly at staff meetings and privately from various staff members. In short, after going seemingly unnoticed, from my point of view, in my first year, is nice to be acknowledged for my service to others.

Next, though it ultimately came out of a bad circumstance which I may or may not go into on this blog, I’ve gotten back involved with horseback riding. I now go riding on pretty much a weekly basis, unless I can’t find a driver or have other personal reasons for skipping, such as being away for the Holidays. Horseback riding is the one thing that I’ve really gotten true relaxation from and have felt good about over the years. And, one of the few things that I think that I am really “good at,” aside from computers and perhaps other things I can’t think of right off hand.

The Victor Reader Stream. Okay, it may seem strange for someone to list a tech gadget in their year end wrap up, but then again, consider the blog you’re reading, :) Seriously though, I’ve not had this nifty device for very long, about 3 months and counting, but already I’ve read way more NLS talking books on it in that time than I have in the past few years on cassette. The digital revolution is truly here for the blind with this device, and its going to be cool watching what happens both with the Stream and the NLS digital program over the next 12 months.

System Access to Go. Here’s another “geek” item. However, it is a cool one. In short, this program is a web-based screen reader. To bring it up you can go to the Run dialog, a random website, or you could go to a shortcut on your desktop. The cool thing though is that once you shut it down, since its web-based, there’s no trace of the program on the computer. This means that a blind person can have computer access on their own computer, at a library, on someone else’s computer, at a coffee shop or Net café, or any number of other places. I’ve found this especially handy when visiting my parent’s in Dallas. They know about JAWS and know what it means for me and can do for me. However, since JAWS costs money, lots of money, they aren’t able to have it on their computers. I’m sure they would if they could, but as we all know in the AT world, not everyone can afford some of this nifty technology. That’s okay though because I’ve got a license for System Access to Go. That has been one of the coolest innovations of this year in the assistive tech industry, a web-based screen reader that can be used on any computer, whether it is “accessible” or not. This last week when I was in Dallas for Christmas, at least once a day, I’d get on their computers with System Access to Go and surf the web, check accounts, or look up other information. I simply needed them to get me on a website or in the start menu, and I was off and running. Now I don’t have to wait for them to get JAWS, hoping the price will come down. I can use their computers just as easily with S.A. to Go, and better yet, leave no trace of the software on their systems!

Another cool thing that has taken place is the change in philosophy that occurred at work back in June. At the risk of boring you with a big explanation, let me say that the training center has shifted from a departmental based approach to a team oriented one. The up shot of that is that I can get to know people that I didn’t know before, such as Steve. Steve’s in Career Guidance, but before the change back in June, that’s all I knew about him. Around August, I began combining and learning how technology and career guidance can merge. In the process, I began to get to know this guy in career guidance. Over the past 4 months, Steve and I have connected and bonded pretty well, to the point that I’ve asked him for a ride to work once (we had some interesting stuff happening at that time which prompted the question), and we’ve for whatever reason started sitting together at graduations and staff meetings. Neither of us are exactly sure how the “sitting together” aspect started, or continues for that matter, :) Seriously though, anyone who knows me well knows that I like bonding and connecting with people. And, if I can do that on the job, and still maintain an outward employment focus and learn about another area of the Center that I didn’t know about before, then all the better. Unfortunately, as of a few weeks ago, Steve will be moving onto another team in the Center. Currently though, there’s no one, or very few people, that can get me to laugh so quickly and so hard, like Steve. He and I seem to be on a similar humor wave length, of obvious humor and life stuff, and is one of the ways that we’ve connected so well. Anyway, Steve’s just one example of the bonding that’s happened at work. I’ve gotten opportunities to bond with other staff members and students as well. In one instance, I wasn’t aware of the bonding or impression that I made on a student until his girlfriend later told me that, in short, I helped him realize that a blind person really could use a computer and use the web.

There are probably other things that I’ve missed, but these are the ones that come to mind right away for 2007 highlights. And now, my 2008 resolutions and hopes.

My resolutions are always composed of the same things. This way, they are open for lots of interpretation and there’s little chance of not achieving them. They are, to increase my independence in some way, and to continue growing in my job. As for hopes, which could be labeled as resolutions, but aren’t for the fact that if they aren’t achieved, then there’s no loss, :) My 2008 hopes include: to continue bonding with staff and students; continue to figure out how to motivate students; and continue in my search for a spouse. I’ve gotten back into the dating scene, via online dating, and have had some pretty good success with it so far. Though the two people that I’ve met have ultimately moved away to other cities, I still count those in the success category. Online dating is not for everyone, and to be sure, if you’re considering getting into it, you should definitely take precautions. I’ve met both the people I referred to above and have talked with them not only online, but through email, via phone, and in person. The site that I use is eHarmony for several reasons. Mainly because it was started by a Christian psychologist, and that the site has several layers that you have to go through to get signed up, meet someone, and ultimately communicate with them. These processes make me feel better about the site, rather than one where you put a picture up and say something like, “Date me!” The layers also help weed out those who may not be as committed and may not want to go through the layers to get to the goal—a match. Anyway, its my hope and prayer, and the prayers of others, that I find a spouse. For me, and for now, that looks to be through online dating, but that could change. Though I hope that I’m one of those people who can say on their wedding day, “Wow, we met through eHarmony.”

It should be an exciting and cool year ahead. Here’s hoping that you and yours have a Happy New Year as well, and that your resolutions and hopes/dreams come true. If not, remember, there’s always next year. Here’s hoping also that we see some nifty advancements in technology, both in adaptive and mainstream tech. Happy New Year everyone, and go Cowboys!

Another honor

Greetings. I want to share with you an honor that I received recently. Though I wasn’t able to attend the White Cane Day celebration this past Monday, as it turned out, several plaques were given out to various people. I received one of them. The plaque was in recognition and appreciation of the WCD website that I helped obtain, maintain and build. I was told that there were a number of people at the event that learned of it from the site. And these people would not have come if it were not for the site.

The plaque is yellow and it has the designs from the front of this year’s T-shirt on it, the 9 drawings from the kids at the Texas School for the Blind and Visually Impaired. In print and on a Braille overlay, the plaque read:

CERTIFICATE OF APPRECIATION

for: Wayne Merritt

For Your Dedication in the Promotion of Awareness and Independence of Blind Citizens. Your Participation Contributed to the Success of a Memorable Event.

White Cane Day
October 15, 2007

There are cut outs on the back for hanging on a wall or cubicle, which I intend to do. Thanks to those that helped promote the website and to those on the committee. I paid for the domain name out of my own pocket because I wanted to do this for the committee. I wanted to give them a site that they could use this year and hopefully in future years.

Its humbling for me in receiving this honor. I am continuously humbled by being recognized by students and colleagues and a good teacher, and by others for things that I do, such as the White Cane Day involvement. Its this continued humbling that has told me that I’m in the right place right now. I’ve got the “perfect job,” at least for now. As a side note, that makes 2 honors or awards in 5 months, counting the honor back in May of this year at the student graduation. Pretty good for someone who’s a little over a year and a half into a job.

WCD and random stuff

Greetings. Well, I guess I'm back in blog form. If you look back at my posts this year, it seems that I posted about once a month from Feburary to June, then in July, it got kicked up into overdrive. Like I said back a few months ago, we're back up to full force in my department at work now, so there's people to cover for others, sort of, and things feel good again. We're two, nearly three, months into the "new system/direction" at work, and though I was a little skeptical in the beginning, it looks like this will work. I'll write in another post about it if anyone's interested. Anyway, life is good, I'm feeling good about work, and I've gotten back into my routine of posting about once per week, at a minimum.

On the subject of the White Cane Day website, its growing nicely. When It first went live about two weeks ago, there's was a basic framework of the article and a few random links. Since then, there's now links for sponsors, participating agencies, efinitions and articles on the white cane and the day itself, a "Model White Cane Bill" that many of the laws around the country are based on, a graphic of last year's proclamation, places to buy white canes and cane accessories from, and more coming. I've just added a section on media coverage, which I'll upload when I confirm some information. One of the committee members had an interview yesterday with one of the top Austin radio stations which will really kick this thing into gear. I want to wait until I get more information on that interview and verify that it will aire, but once that's done I'll upload the updated page. The hit counter is chugging along, with 22 visitors at last count. That number will really jump once all those posters and flyers are distributed around town, and hopefully even after the radio piece airres. We've got another committee meeting next Thursday, which will be cool and exciting. Look for more graphics to be added as well.

I'm off to enjoy the weekend and hopefully forget about tonight's Dallas Cowboys loss. Well, better to have a loss in the preseason rather than the regular season, though those will happen as well. There are those in Dallas that are already predicting that the Cowboys will go to the Super Bowl this year. We'll see.

WCD website update

Greetings. I just wanted to write a quick note about today’s White Cane Day committee meeting. (Incidentally, if I ever use the abbreviation WCD for White Cane Day, you'll know what it means). It was quite fun to run down my list of points at the meeting and presenting what I had done to a group. However, what brought me more satisfaction and joy was to hear one of the people from the local major grocery store here, say how much she and her fellow coworkers liked the site. She said that it looked very well done and that they appreciated the link that I put for their store. (Got to keep the sponsors happy, :) Anyway, that was cool and something I’ll remember for some time to come.

Toward the end of the meeting, I asked if the committee would like a hit counter on the site, or a means of keeping track of how many unique or individual visitors come to it. Once I explained what a counter was, they liked the idea. I thought that doing this would be hard, but all I did was copy the code from my Wayneism site, change some numbers in the associated files, renamed those files, and uploaded the pages to my web space. Now, we’ve got a hit counter, and as of this writing, there have been a whopping 2 visitors. It’s a work in progress though. What made me think of this is the fact that various flyers and posters with information on the event, including the web address, will be distributed around Austin. I thought to myself, “Imagine the kinds of numbers we would draw if the site had a counter.” Incidentally, though my Wayneism site has been a hobby, all be it a resourceful one for a lot of people (which I’m grateful for), this site for the White Cane Day celebration is a big deal. Dozens, perhaps hundreds, of people will see the web address and hopefully visit the site. That raises the bar higher for me, but it also brings me lots of satisfaction. If we can pull anything close to what Wayneism has, then this could be a really cool thing. Perhaps not this year alone, but give it a few years and who knows.

Anyway, thought I’d update you, the thoughtful Wayne’s Blog reader, as to my activities. Till we meet again, :)

Random stuff

Greetings. Here I sit on a rainy Saturday afternoon. Its been raining a ton here over the past few weeks, and while I like the rain, its beginning to grow tiresome even to me. However, as long as it mainly rains when I’m inside, I don’t mind it too much. And anyway, when was the last time it rained like this in July in Austin, or on a larger scale in the south? Then again, I live in a pretty good area; not close to any rivers or lakes, and in a place where it doesn’t flood too badly. I live on flat ground and the apartment complex’s parking lot can flood easily, but the apartments themselves are a little raised up from the ground so that water doesn’t flood the sidewalks too often. If it ever did, then it would be raining a lot. I may have slightly different views of the rain if these conditions were different.

On another issue, I don’t believe I’ll purchase any of the System Access software, at least not for now. I’m still experiencing the problems I wrote of a week ago and Serotek hasn’t really offered any solutions for me. In the Word problem, where System Access was losing focus in Word XP, the only thing they said was, “We don’t support that version of Word for Windows.” I know that, and I even replied telling them that. I however also asked them why this happened, since it’s a notable issue that needs to be addressed bys someone. The response I got back went something like, “We don’t’ know why it happened.” Oh well. I’m not knocking Serotek or their products by writing all of this. I’m sure that my issues are more the exception rather than the rule. And, hopefully whenever I get my new Vista computer and try these packages again, the same things won’t happen. However, they’re happening to me and I’m not willing to pay several hundred dollars for faulty software. I’ll still keep rooting for Serotek and support their endeavors in what they’re trying to do.

I indirectly received more complements from one of the July graduation students from the training Center. He asked someone to pass along a message to me from him, that according to the graduate, I had made a large impact on him; that he enjoyed having me as a computer teacher. That made me feel pretty good. I had made an impact on him. He was one of the students that I really clicked with and really got along well with. There were many times when I asked the students in class how they were doing on a particular task, and this student would say something like, “Already done,” much to my surprise. I’d give him another few tasks to do and he would finish those in short order as well. These are the times that give me great satisfaction and help confirm for me that I’m in the right place as a tech teacher at a rehabilitation center. These are the times when I think back to that award I received two months ago at another graduation ceremony, for excellence in teaching and dedication to the students.

I’m beginning horseback riding again. I’ve had a secret passion and love for horses. Many people are surprised when I tell them that, but its true. Just being around horses, petting them and giving them treats gives me a recharge, much less taking regular lessons and spending hours at a time with them. This all began when I participated in a therapeutic horseback riding program for the disabled back in the late eighties. I had liked horses before that time, but those 10 weeks over a semester was the thing that really did it for me. I found a place in south Austin that offers horseback riding lessons, as well as horse/dog boarding and dog training lessons. The lessons themselves are very affordable and I’m glad to be at a point in my life where I can pay for my own lessons and easily afford to do so. The horse that I’ve been paired up with, coincidentally has a little bit of vision loss, but is a red roam color with some white. I think the owner said that the white spots are on the horse’s mane. Anyway, the horse is named Rye and he is about 16.5 hands at the withers. For those that don’t know, a “hand” is about 4 inches, or about the distance from your pinky to your index finger when your fingers are together. So 16.5 hands is pretty tall, about 66 inches. I’ve only been on one lesson thus far but hope to go weekly. My next lesson is tomorrow night. That time might pose problems as we get into football season if the Cowboys play on a Sunday evening, which happens a few times this season. That will be a hard choice: go horseback riding or watch football. Though there is that deep passion for the equine, football in general and the Cowboys in particular might win that contest.

I think the plan is to have me do some training with Rye. The owner was asking about my horseback riding experience, the types of saddles I’ve ridden in (both English and Western), and if I’ve done Join Up with a horse before, which I haven’t. Join Up is a means of getting a horse used to the rider and to a saddle. Some would call this “breaking a horse..” It was largely brought into the mainstream by
Monty Roberts,
as a means to build trust with the horse in a nonviolent way. Though I’ve read how this is done and read Monty’s book (available through the National Library Service on talking book), I’m not sure how I as a totally blind person would do it. Anyone who has experience with this is welcome and encouraged to comment on this entry and explain how this can be done, so I can pass it along to the people at this facility I’m going to. Though they are not an official
North American Riding for the Handicapped Association (NARHA) stable, they do seem willing to work with me. I think that the owner has worked with blind folk before. Horseback riding is one of the few things that I’ve done over the years that I’ve truly gotten a lot from, been able to relax while doing, and truly enjoyed. I’m glad that I found this place and can get into it again. I’d love to own my own horse or two someday, along with that dream home of a ranch, with stables near the house in easy walking distance, and a bus stop at the end of the sidewalk or driveway. That may be a little unrealistic, but then again, who knows.

Well that’s all for now. The training Center is supposed to get a large group or intake of people, as many as 30 or more, coming in a few weeks. So my weekends and week nights will become a lot more enjoyable and hopefully restful shortly. Speaking of which, I’m off to enjoy this one. I’ll attempt to get some pictures of Rye that I can put up on my website for you to see, and will post more about my riding experience. Until then. (Hey, …, you, …, pssssssst, football’s coming!)

Interesting article about regaining sight

Greetings. Here's an interesting article about the blind possibly regaining sight, and the possible questions and issues that come out of that. I received this from the NFB's blind students email list. As for me, I have thought about some of the questions raised below often and really haven't come up with any answers. Except that if I were offered the chance to see again, I'd first think about it for a long time, but eventually probably refuse. Read on about the various issues that come out of sight restoration to find out why. Enjoy, and as always, please excuse any formatting errors.

Subject: The Chance to see again...would she take it?

REBECCA ATKINSON IS GOING BLIND. AN EXPERIMENTAL
THERAPY COULD OFFER HER THE CHANCE TO SEE AGAIN - BUT WOULD SHE TAKE IT?

TUESDAY JULY 17, 2007
THE GUARDIAN

EARLIER THIS YEAR, DOCTORS AT MOORFIELDS EYE
HOSPITAL, LONDON, BEGAN THE WORLD'S FIRST GENE
THERAPY TRIALS TO TREAT 12 PATIENTS WHO HAVE LEBER'S CONGENITAL
AMAUROSIS, A CONDITION THAT CAUSES PROGRESSIVE
SIGHT LOSS. FOLLOWING SUCCESSFUL ANIMAL TRIALS
(SAID TO HAVE RESTORED THE VISION OF BLIND DOGS SO THEY COULD
NAVIGATE A MAZE WITHOUT DIFFICULTY), IT IS HOPED
THAT THE TECHNIQUE, WHICH INVOLVES INJECTING
WORKING COPIES OF FAULTY GENES DIRECTLY INTO THE RETINA,
WILL PROVE EQUALLY EFFECTIVE WHEN CARRIED OUT ON
HUMANS. THE RESULTS WILL NOT BE MADE PUBLIC FOR A
YEAR BUT, IF THE TECHNIQUE WORKS, SCIENTISTS HOPE IT
COULD EVENTUALLY BE USED TO TREAT A WIDE RANGE OF
INHERITED SIGHT DISORDERS AFFECTING UP TO 30,000
VISUALLY IMPAIRED PEOPLE IN THE UK AND POTENTIALLY MILLIONS
MORE WORLDWIDE.
THE FIRST VIABLE TREATMENT FOR BLINDNESS IS
TWINKLING ON THE HORIZON AND AS ONE READER SAID
ON A NATIONAL NEWSPAPER MESSAGE BOARD DISCUSSING THE TRIALS,
"THE POSSIBILITY OF BEING ABLE TO GIVE IMPROVED
SIGHT TO PEOPLE WITH VISUAL IMPAIRMENTS IS A
GREAT DEVELOPMENT FOR THE HUMAN RACE." BUT WHAT OF THE PEOPLE
WE SEEK TO REPAIR? THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN BORN BLIND
AND THOSE, LIKE ME, WHO ARE LOSING OR HAVE LOST
THEIR VISION. IS THIS WHAT WE HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR?
IS IT "A GREAT DEVELOPMENT FOR THE HUMAN RACE",
OR A STEP FORWARD IN THE EUGENIC QUEST FOR AN
UBER-RACE, FREE OF IMPERFECTION AND RID OF THE UNEASE ABOUT
DISABILITY THAT NESTLES QUIETLY IN SOCIETY'S POCKET?

FOR THE PAST 13 YEARS I HAVE BEEN LOSING MY
SIGHT, DUE TO A GENETIC AND INCURABLE CONDITION
CALLED RETINITIS PIGMENTOSA (RP). RP CAUSES THE PHOTORECEPTIVE
CELLS ON THE RETINA TO DIE OFF, CAUSING, IN MY
CASE, TUNNEL VISION. I LIKEN IT TO LOOKING AT THE
WORLD DOWN THE MIDDLE OF TWO TOILET ROLLS. MY CENTRAL
VISION REMAINS INTACT, BUT WHERE ONCE WAS
PERIPHERAL VISION NOW FLOAT ONLY MY THOUGHTS. IN
TIME THESE LOO ROLLS WILL SHRINK TO KNOTHOLES AND THEN PINHOLES
AND THEN POSSIBLY NOTHING.

IN THE EARLY YEARS AFTER MY DIAGNOSIS, BLINDNESS
REMAINED A REPULSIVE AND TERRIFYING CONCEPT.
EVERY YEAR I WOULD VISIT THE DOCTOR AND HE WOULD SAY THE SAME
THING - THAT I MUST LIVE AND PLAN MY LIFE WITH
THE CERTAINTY THAT BLINDNESS WAS INEVITABLE. AND
SO, SLOWLY OVER TIME, THAT IS WHAT I LEARNED TO DO. BUT
NOW THE ADVENT OF GENE THERAPY HAS PUSHED OPEN A
CHINK IN THE DOOR. DISABLED PEOPLE HAVE LONG
ASKED THEMSELVES THE HYPOTHETICAL "WOULD YOU BE CURED IF
YOU COULD?" QUESTION. NOW, FOR THE FIRST TIME,
THERE IS A CHANCE, ALBEIT VERY SMALL, THAT MAYBE
ONE DAY I MIGHT ACTUALLY GET MY SIGHT BACK.

HURRAH, YOU CRY. I MUST BE THRILLED. ACTUALLY, I
AM A BIT CONFUSED. IT IS EASY TO ASSUME THAT ALL
VISUALLY IMPAIRED PEOPLE WILL BE HAMMERING DOWN THE DOORS
SHOULD GENE THERAPY PROVE SUCCESSFUL. BUT TO SAY
THIS IS TO ASSUME THAT A BLIND LIFE IS LESSER AND
THAT ALL BLIND PEOPLE REALLY WANT TO BE SIGHTED. THEY
DON'T. THE FIRST BLIND MAN I EVER MET, WHO ALSO
HAPPENED TO BE MY BOSS AT THE TIME, IS ONE OF
THEM. I RECENTLY ASKED HIM IF HE WOULD HAVE GENE THERAPY
IF HE COULD. NO, CAME HIS REPLY. BECAUSE, HE
TELLS ME, REGAINING SIGHT IS MORE THAN JUST SEEING AGAIN.

THERE ARE ISSUES OF IDENTITY AND CULTURE AT STAKE
TOO. "AS THE BLIND-FROM-BIRTH SON OF BLIND
PARENTS, I AM, IN PART OF MY SOUL, DEFINED BY MY BLINDNESS,"
HE EXPLAINS. "IT DIRECTLY EQUATES TO ETHNIC OR
RACIAL ORIGIN. IF YOU GIVE A BLACK PERSON THE
CHOICE TO BE WHITE THERE MAY WELL BE SIGNIFICANT ADVANTAGES
IN SUCH A DEAL: MORE ACCESS TO BETTER JOBS;
FREEDOM FROM THE SHACKLES OF IGNORANT PREJUDICE;
IN SHORT, A STEP CLOSER TO EQUALITY. BUT I'D BET MOST WOULD
TURN THE OFFER DOWN FLAT."

BUT WHAT IF, UNLIKE MY OLD BOSS, YOU HAVEN'T
ALWAYS BEEN BLIND? WHAT IF, LIKE ME, YOU GREW UP
WITH FULL VISION AND HAVE SEEN ALL THE CLICHE-RIDDEN THINGS
THAT THOSE BORN TOTALLY BLIND ARE PITIED FOR
NEVER HAVING SEEN - THE SUNSET, YOUR OWN
REFLECTION, THE LOOK IN YOUR LOVER'S EYES. WHAT IF YOUR SOUL IS SIGHTED,
AND THEN YOU GO BLIND?

YOU WILL CRY AND WONDER WHY. YOU WILL HOPE AND
PRAY. YOU WILL WISH IT WOULD ALL GO AWAY. BUT THE
LONGER YOUR SIGHT HAS BEEN ON THE SLIDE, THE MORE IT SEEPS
INTO EVERY CRACK OF YOUR PSYCHE - UNTIL ONE DAY
YOU ARE NO LONGER THE "SIGHTED PERSON" WHO CAN'T
SEE ANY MORE. SOMEHOW, STRANGELY, IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT,
YOUR IDENTITY HAS ROLLED OVER IN BED AND YOU WAKE
UP AND GET OUT THE OTHER SIDE A "VISUALLY
IMPAIRED PERSON" - AND IT FEELS LIKE PART OF YOU.

IT DOESN'T HAPPEN OVERNIGHT, AND PERHAPS IT
DOESN'T HAPPEN TO ALL WHO SAIL THE STRANGE SEAS
OF SIGHT LOSS WITH ME. BUT FOR ME THERE CAME A POINT WHEN IMPENDING
BLINDNESS WAS NO LONGER MY ALIEN BUT MY FRIEND. I
HAD HAD MY TIME AS A SIGHTED PERSON. I HAD SEEN
THE WORLD THROUGH MY EYES. NOW IT WAS TIME TO TOUCH IT
AND SMELL IT AND HEAR IT.

WHEN YOU LOSE YOUR VISION YOU HAVE TO RE-LEARN
THE SORTS OF THINGS THAT WILL ALLOW YOU TO
SURVIVE ON THE PLANET, SUCH AS CROSSING THE ROAD WITHOUT BEING
FLATTENED. NEXT YOU MUST TACKLE THE REAL PROBLEM
AND LEARN TO DEAL WITH THE ATTITUDES OF OTHERS AS
THEY MORPH AROUND YOU. MISCONCEPTIONS START TO SPOUT
FROM EVEN YOUR OLDEST FRIENDS' MOUTHS BECAUSE
NEGATIVE ATTITUDES ABOUT BLINDNESS PERMEATE US ALL.

YOU ARE ABOUT TO CROSS OVER INTO THE DARK SIDE
AND SEE WHAT WRIGGLES AND WRITHES ON THE
UNDERBELLY OF SOCIETY. FOLK WILL SEE YOU AS THE SUFFERER, THE PITIFUL,
THE AFFLICTED, THE SUBHUMAN - THAT'S YOU, YES,
YOU. IF YOU USE A CANE OR A DOG, PEOPLE WILL
STARE AS YOU WALK DOWN THE STREET. PEOPLE WILL ASSUME YOU ARE
MORE LACKING IN INTELLIGENCE THAN YOUR SIGHTED
COUNTERPART. PEOPLE YOU HAVE NEVER MET BEFORE
WILL ASK IF YOU WANT CHILDREN, AND IF YOU DO, THEY WILL ASK
IF THE KIDS WILL HAVE THE SAME CONDITION THAT YOU
HAVE, AND WHETHER THAT IS RIGHT OR WRONG.
WELCOME. YOUR REPRODUCTIVE AUTONOMY IS IN THE DOCKS OF THE
MORAL COURTS OF THE NATION'S MINDS.

SO IF THIS UNDERBELLY IS SO WRETCHED, SURELY IF
THE TIME COMES WHEN THE DOCTORS ARE LOOMING FORTH
WITH A NEEDLE CONTAINING THE WORKING VERSION OF MY FAULTY
GENE AND HERALDING THE PROMISE OF A NEW DAY, ONE
WITH A BRIGHT SUNSET AND ME AT THE WHEEL OF A
FAST CAR, I'LL TAKE IT, RIGHT? ANYTHING TO ESCAPE? NO. SAYING
YES TO SEEING AGAIN, EVEN FOR SOMEONE WHO WASN'T
BORN BLIND, ISN'T EASY. THE REPERCUSSIONS WOULD
RIPPLE BEYOND MY EYES INTO MY FRIENDSHIPS, MY WORK, MY
RELATIONSHIP.

WOULD I RETAIN THE UNITY I HAVE WITH MY DISABLED
BRETHREN IF I COULD SEE? OR WOULD I HAVE
DIFFERENT FRIENDS, THE TYPE WHO FALL BY THE WAYSIDE NOW BECAUSE
THEY ARE NOT AWARE OR EMPATHETIC, OR ARE TOO
AESTHETICALLY OBSESSED? WOULD I LOSE THE FRIENDS
WITH WHOM I HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON BUT WHO REMAIN IN MY PHONE
BOOK BECAUSE THEY GET THE BLINDNESS THING? AND
WOULD IT BE RIGHT TO DUMP THEM JUST BECAUSE I CAN
SEE AND DON'T NEED THEIR EMPATHY ANY MORE? IF I STEPPED
INTO THE POOL OF "NORMAL PEOPLE" AGAIN, WHERE WOULD MY IDENTITY GO?

THE KERNEL OF WHO I AM HAS BEEN SUCKED INTO A NEW
BODY; NOW IT WOULD HAVE TO BE SUCKED BACK INTO
THE OLD ONE. AND WHAT OF MY RELATIONSHIP? WOULD WE STAY
TOGETHER OR WOULD I RUN OFF TO DO ALL THE THINGS
I NEVER GOT TO DO BEFORE? THERE IS A HIGH RATE OF
SEPARATION AMONG COUPLES WHERE ONE PERSON GETS A GUIDE
DOG FOR THE FIRST TIME. WHY? BECAUSE SUDDENLY
THEY CAN DO THINGS ON THEIR OWN AGAIN. THIS
NEW-FOUND INDEPENDENCE SHIFTS THE BALANCE AND CRACKS APPEAR.
IF THIS CAN HAPPEN WITH A DOG, THINK WHAT COULD
HAPPEN WITH A PAIR OF FULLY WORKING EYES AND A CAR.

GOING BLIND ISN'T A SMOOTH RIDE, THOUGH. IT COMES
DOWN AND SQUISHES YOU UNDER AN INSURMOUNTABLE
WEIGHT OF GRIEF AND DISBELIEF. IT IS LIMITING, FRUSTRATING
AND CHANGES THE WAY YOU DO MANY OF THE THINGS YOU
USED TO ENJOY - NOW YOU MUST DANCE WITH THE LIGHT
ON AND DRIVE FROM THE BACK SEAT. BUT LIKE THE AFFIRMATION
OF NEAR DEATH, IT AFFECTS MORE THAN JUST YOUR
PHYSICALITY. IT GIVES YOU A UNIQUE PERSPECTIVE.
IT IS A GRAND EXPERIMENT THAT MOST DON'T GET TO TRY; TO OBSERVE
AS YOUR BRAIN REWIRES AND WATCH AS THE HUMAN BODY
ADAPTS IN INFINITE WAYS. WHEN MY VISION BEGAN TO
GET WORSE, I BUMPED INTO EVERYTHING IN MY PATH BECAUSE
I WAS STILL CAREERING DOWN THE PAVEMENT AT THE
SPEED OF SOMEONE WHO COULD SEE. AS MY MIND CAUGHT
UP WITH MY EYES, I CHANGED THE WAY I WALKED - WITH MORE
CAUTION AND LESS SPEED - AND THE PERPETUAL BUMPING AND TRIPPING STOPPED.

LOSING YOUR SIGHT IS NOT LIKE JUST SHUTTING YOUR
EYES. THE LOSS IS SO GRADUAL THAT AS ONE SENSE
DIES OTHERS GROW. SUDDENLY YOU CAN SMELL THE WORLD AND SENSE
WHEN SOMEONE IS STANDING OUT OF YOUR LINE OF
VISION. YOUR BRAIN GROWS ON THE INSIDE AND THINGS
ON THE OUTSIDE START TO MATTER LESS. I GET TO LIVE MY LIFE
TWICE OVER IN TWO DIFFERENT BODIES (THE SIGHTED
ONE I USED TO HAVE AND THE PARTIALLY SIGHTED ONE
I NOW HAVE), AND WITH THAT COMES THE PRIVILEGE OF SPYING
ON THE WORLD AND ITS INTRICACIES FROM MULTIPLE VANTAGE POINTS.

IT'S A CLICHE TO SAY THAT DISABLED PEOPLE ARE
NICER. IT IS INCORRECT, IN FACT. BUT FOR ME,
VISION LOSS HAS MADE ME MORE EMPATHETIC AND MORE OPEN- MINDED.
I HAVE TO TAKE SO OFTEN THAT I GIVE MORE FREELY.
WHEN YOU RELY ON FRIENDS TO TAKE YOU DOWN OXFORD
STREET OR A STRANGER TO GET YOU ACROSS THE ROAD, YOU
THINK MORE CONSCIOUSLY ABOUT WHAT YOU GIVE BACK
AND BATTLE WITH THE FEELING THAT YOU NEED THEM
MORE THAN THEY NEED YOU. BUT, STRANGELY, I AM HAPPIER LIKE
THIS THAN IF I HAD CARRIED ON DOWN THE MIDDLE
LANE TO MEDIOCRE CITY NEVER HAVING SEEN OR FELT
REAL LOSS AND KNOWN HOW TO APPRECIATE THE GOOD THINGS AROUND
ME.

I HAVE MET PEOPLE I WOULD NEVER HAVE MET HAD I
BEEN SIGHTED, AND WE HAVE BEEN JOINED TOGETHER BY
THE COMMON BOND OF DISABILITY (AND THERE IS NO GLUE THAT
SETS AS HARD AS THAT SQUEEZED FROM THE PORES OF A
MINORITY). WHEN PART OF YOUR BODY STARTS TO DIE
YOU FEEL WHAT IT IS TO BE HUMAN. YOU WAKE UP FROM THE
SLUMBER OF BEING JUST ANOTHER IDIOT WITH AN IPOD
BECAUSE YOU ARE FORCED TO WORK OUT THE BIGGER
QUESTIONS. OR AT LEAST ASK THEM. WHY AM I HERE? WHY IS THIS
HAPPENING? YOU ARE ALERT TO THE IMMEDIACY AND
FRAGILITY OF YOUR LIFE. YOU KNOW THAT THE CHOICES
OF THE MODERN AGE DO NOT AND CAN NOT EXTEND INTO EVERY
REALM OF YOUR LIFE. YOU CAN'T CHOOSE TO SEE (AT
LEAST NOT YET). THIS IS IT. THE UPSHOT? YOU LIVE
IN THE MOMENT. YOU SETTLE FOR YOUR LOT AND LOVE IT.

THE CONCEPT OF SIGHT LOSS AS A POSITIVE THING IS
AN ELUSIVE ONE. IT IS HARD TO GRASP WHEN YOU HAVE
EXPERIENCED IT; AND EVEN HARDER TO GRASP WHEN YOU HAVEN'T.
IT IS NOT SOMETHING I WOULD HAVE CHOSEN, BUT IT
IS NOT SOMETHING I WISH HADN'T HAPPENED. WOULD I
LIKE TO STOP IT GETTING WORSE? YES, BECAUSE I'M ONLY HUMAN
AND SOMETIMES I LIE AWAKE WORRYING HOW I'LL COPE
WHEN IT'S ALL GONE. BUT WOULD I LIKE TO HAVE GENE
THERAPY AND SEE PERFECTLY AGAIN? FIVE YEARS AGO I'D
HAVE SAID YES. NOW I'M NOT SURE, BECAUSE IF THIS
EXPERIMENT OF GOING BLIND HAS TAUGHT ME ANYTHING,
IT IS THAT WHAT YOU LOSE IN ONE PLACE YOU GAIN ELSEWHERE,
AND WHILE A BLIND LIFE IS DIFFERENT TO A SIGHTED
LIFE, IT IS NOT LESSER. AND ULTIMATELY IT IS BETTER THAN HAVING NO LIFE AT
ALL.